Return of the... METABLOG!

Bad thing: I discovered the page that shows me how many times my blog has been viewed.

So now I know that people are viewing it and choosing not to comment.
Here she goes with the obsessing...
Okay, but the thing is, with my last post I'm not looking for reassurance; I'm looking for other points of view. Mostly. It's true, though; the desire for reassurance is always there. Of course, I could interpret the silence as reassurance that everyone either agrees with me or has failed to come up with a strong rebuttal. But it is also quite possible that people are refusing to engage me in a conversation because they view my claims as radical or ignorant and doubt that I would understand any explanation that draws upon a religious perspective. Or maybe people are still thinking about how they would answer, and maybe they won't tell me, but would still think about it, which would be cool too.

Anyway, my main point is this: Reassurance feeds the OCD monster, but discussion feeds the intellectual monster. And maybe the OCD monster as well, actually.

Where do I go from here?

Do you ever feel... stuck?



In OCD, there's a problem with the feedback loop that tells us that we are no longer in danger, or that it's okay to move on.

People with "obsessive slowness" may take 20 minutes to walk through their front door.

I get stuck on tasks like writing an essay. Or an email. Or a blog post.

I don't know what to write about. I don't know how to word it. That's not good enough. Sentence by sentence, I recite and revise in my head what I want to say. Too much effort. I am getting sleepy. Time for a break.

I am stuck in the molasses swamp, waiting to draw the card that will get me unstuck. (I just came up with that one. Clever, eh? No? I don't care. I am tired.)

*Wait a minute, are you saying that if I struggle with writing essays, then I have OCD?* No. *But you are implying that you have OCD, right?* No. Many behaviors are best characterized as lying somewhere along a continuum. For any given behavior, most of us fall somewhere in the middle. So how do we decide what's pathological? Good question. Stay tuned for DSM-V.



Now what?

Meet the OCD monster fetus

I really want to have a blog! Why? Because I have a sub-clinical obsessive-compulsive need to let people know what I think (have I ever told you my thoughts on religion?) and to be funny (I know people think I'm funny; it's because it's true). So I'd like to write about whatever the hell I want and get constant feedback from hundreds of admirers. But it doesn't work like that. People have their own lives and don't necessarily want to read my nonsense. Or maybe they'll read it but won't feel like commenting. So then I face the menacing "what if"s. What if no one comments on my blog? Even worse, what if no one reads it? That would suck majorly. But why? Because people would be missing out on my genius, yes, but also because I would be getting no reassurance that I'm funny or have good ideas. Ah, so the underlying "what if" here is, what if I'm not funny and my ideas suck? I have reason to believe that that's probably not true, but it is possible. I will never know for sure. But I can live with that.

So, is this blog going to be about anything other than the fact that maybe no one will read it? Well, yeah, I'm not writing solely for the purpose of hearing myself type, though that is part of it. There's going to be content. I've alluded to it already. My inspiration came from a conference I attended this past weekend--the International OCD Foundation Annual Conference (many thanks to the friend who told me about it). It was awesome. I learned so much. The obsessive-compulsive spectrum is fascinating. I've found my calling, whatever that means. For one, it means that I've found something worth blogging about. But first I have to get these pesky med school apps done. So for now I'll leave you, dear possibly-existent readers, to ponder and anticipate. Comments are always welcome, but know that pure reassurance only feeds the OCD monster fetus.

P.S. Knowing me, I'll probably lose interest and never write a second post. Let's hope not! I'll take that as a challenge.